Ray of Hope

During pregnancy I never had any sickness. The only time I really felt sick to my stomach is when my husband was cooking some hot dogs, well that night I told him he couldn’t do it no more. The hot dogs smelt like dead fish on the bank of the lakes.  My husband went to the ultrasound appointments but not to every doctor appointments. I remember him getting aggravated because I started feeling our baby move and kick way before him. I had to be quite and just grab his hand when our baby started kicking so he could feel the kicks. Every time I would say our baby is kicking is when the kicking stopped. Truthfully, I got a big kick out of it! This was our first baby so I didn’t really know all the things that came with a pregnancy on the feeling part. The day I first went to the OB/GYN I ended up going to the emergency room later that night because I started bleeding. After being there for hours (I did get to see our baby so it was worth it) they said everything was fine, released me and I had to go to a checkup two days later.

On May 1^st is when it seemed like we could not breathe. It started out as a normal day. We got up and got ready for our ultrasound. We were so excited because we got to see our baby again. This was the day that our world started turning upside down. They ran the test to check for Down syndrome and any other issues. Well the nurse left then came back in and after that said the doctor wanted to speak to us. We went into the room and it seemed as it took forever for him to come in. When he did he told us he was sending us to a doctor that is through Kosair Children’s Hospital but has an office near us. He said that there was concern that our baby had a disorder. He could not tell us because that is not what he does. Told us many times he has sent his patients to her and it is nothing but he would rather make sure. I got a phone call a few days later saying that our appointment was made for May 15^th. During the days waiting it felt like I was in a stand still, I couldn’t believe something might be wrong. I told my husband if it is Down syndrome we would still love our child and it was no big deal.

The night of the 14^th I stayed up late. I sung to our baby, I prayed to God for our baby, and sat feeling the kicks and turns. I just could not sleep so needless to say the morning of the 15^th I was tired. However, not too tired to go or pay attention. I got down there and had to fill out paper work. It seemed as it was taking a lifetime to be called back to be checked out. When we went in my husband sat in the chair. The ultrasound began. They looked and measured more than I had been done in the past. There was a point in time I knew something was wrong because she kept looking at the same thing for a very long time. She then left the room to call the doctor. The doctor was not physically there but came up on a camera and they began looking at our baby again. After that my husband and I were lead into a conference room where another television was. We were told the doctor would appear and that she would be able to see us as we could her. About 5 minutes went and my nerves were working double time. She finally appeared on the screen. She wasted no time on getting to the point. At that time we were told our child had a rare chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 13. Also told that his brain had not developed the way it should have (which is in early part of the pregnancy), that he also had Alobar Holoprosencephaly, she noticed something with his heart and spine as well.

She then went to say “Your baby is incompatible with life.” That is when I broke down. I could not bear those words and never thought that is what we were going to hear coming in. She gave us a few minutes as my husband held me. He had tears and I was crying more and more. After a few minutes I wrote down what she was saying (so when I got home I could research). The next words out of her mouth are “With this diagnosis I highly recommend you to terminate this pregnancy that your baby will not make it to birth.” I didn’t respond because of the shock I was in. She told me to go home and think about it because I still have a few more weeks to make that decision. We got up and left.

It was a very quiet ride home. I finally looked up and said there is no choice to make because the option was not available and our child deserved the chance at life. My husband got home and dropped me off and had to go to work. I called family members and told them what was going on. They and I began research, research to more understand what all the words meant and to find somewhere that would help our baby.

That day and night dragged on. I took a nap then woke up and called the doctor we had just seen. I had questions that I could finally get out of my mouth, questions that no parent should have to ask. I also told her termination was not an option for us. She answered my questions and I got back to do more research. That is when hope finally hit me. I found other babies with Trisomy 13 still living and some in their teens. That ray of hope did wonders.

Becoming A Family

In March of this year, 2013, I had gone out with my family. Well during that time my now husband asked my Aunt what symptoms she had when she got pregnant. Well after hanging out for a few hours we got in the car and he informed me we were going to Wal-Mart to get a pregnancy test. Truthfully, I was thinking why I would be pregnant now we had been trying to get pregnant for a year.  

Well the next morning I got up and got ready for work. I took the test and then brushed my teeth. When I looked at the test I could not believe my eyes. I was now a mommy! So I went to the bedroom and told my now husband. We were both happy! I was so happy I took the test and showed my mom. That afternoon my mom and I went to the Health Department and it was confirmed again I was pregnant. A few days later my now husband and I went to the local OB/GYN office and saw our baby, a baby we created. I had tears in my life. We have wanted this for a while and now our dreams were coming true.

By that time family knew and we were all excited. Although, I would not let them buy anything for a few more weeks. I didn’t want anything to go wrong and was careful in every way.  On a Wednesday night I went to the Emergency Room because I started bleeding and was scared as this was our first child for either of us. Everything ended up being well but I was on bed rest just for a precaution and a follow up appointment with my OB/GYN and again was confirmed that all was well.

There is Light

Sometimes we go through situations in life that we should not, especially when we are children. Children remember more than parents give credit for, from good times and bad. Never underestimate children.

My parents divorced by the time I was two. They have both been remarried a couple of times. Through the different step parents I have I remember good times as well as the bad. Unfortunately the bad times have played a role throughout my life. I remember being yelled at, feeling as if I was between two parents because of them talking “bad” about one another to me. Parents doing that only hurt your children. I know when my parents did that I felt like I was the one in trouble; the one that had to choose one parent or another, or that was supposed to agree with them. I remember at one time that when I was going to see my mom that my step-mom did not like it. She got mad at me and would not take me to church so my dad said she was not going to take my sister without me and during the argument she smacked me as hard as possible and left an imprint on my face. Due to this being done I still do not like people putting their hands around my face. I remember going to my mom’s house and would play the role as the protector of my younger sister. My step-dad did not like me for reason I still don’t know. I was yelled at and cussed at. I would also stand up to him because he would get on to her and it was his daughters that did it and I was not going to allow her to get in trouble so I would be the one between them and get the hitting. I remember one time that he held my arm so hard that my mom got between us. Do not get me wrong there were happy times of playing games, going on vacations, and just going outside and being kids.

Once I turned 18 I got a boyfriend that I fell in love with. He was my first love. I would go to his parents’ house (where he lived) and I adored them. They were so nice and loving and even told me they wanted me as their daughter in law. At the beginning of the relationship it was every girls dream. We went to church, went on church activities, went on vacations together with his family and friends, we also went on a missionary trip to Honduras. Soon after I thought I was with the perfect guy is when I started getting a feeling something was not right. Shortly after I found out “this feeling” was true. The guy was cheating on me. I thought I was going to die, I never thought he would do something like this and caused us to breakup. However, we are still friends to this day as we have been there for each other all these years later.

After that relationship a few years later I got with someone. I always believe people should have a second chance in life. I decided I was going to get with someone that had a bad history but seemed to have changed. After a while of being with him my grandma passed away from cancer and he was not there for me. But I stayed with him. I would spend every weekend with him. After months of being together I decided to move in with him. That is when I found out he had not changed. I was working well over 40 hours a week while he worked part time. He had a son that I loved and only because of me did he come stay weekends with us. After a while he lost his job while I picked up more hours. I found out later he was not paying the rent. So we were told we had to move out by a certain date. During that time I came home from work one night and he had friends over. He got mad because I was talking to one of his buddies and in the hall way through almost a full bottle of alcohol that almost hit me in my head. From that day I was scared, I did not know what I was going to do, or how to get out. Finally we moved back to Murray, at first into my Nanny’s house and then my dad’s. If it were not for my dad helping me getting out of a bad situation I don’t know what would have happened to me. After almost 2 years of being with him I was free. It was hard getting used to it. For a while afterwards I was scared to go places because he was stalking me, my car was being messed with, and I had to quit my job because I was working with his mother and he would purposely come up there.

After almost a year of not being with him I started talking to a guy that I had not talked to in forever. He was coming back home for a few weeks from the Air Force. He talked like we would get together then all of a sudden changed and went crazy on me. So to say the least we did not meet up and hang out not even as friends. On my birthday, which is in February, I went to meet up with an old friend that I had not saw in years (since I was with the first boyfriend). I was nervous even though we were getting to hang out as friends. The fears of my past relationships were coming to surface. But it turned out to be a great night. One that I smiled and laughed and we watched movies and went to eat at a place we use to back in the day, Steak-N-Shake! From then we hit it off and hung out constantly. On April 23, 2011 we officially were boyfriend/girlfriend. It was really odd at first because I was so use to having to drive everywhere and pay for everything and now I didn’t have to. Well on December 31, 2011 he proposed to me and I said yes! On May 18, 2013 we got married. My now husband has never laid a hand on me, screamed at me, or hurt me. No our relationship is not perfect (no one’s is) but I could not imagine being married to anyone else!

My point of this post is to show you there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may take days, weeks, months, or years to see but don’t give up, keep going and have faith! God Bless each of you!

And The Journey Begins

All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering 2 Thessalonians 1:5

Hello, and welcome to my blog! My name is Brittany Schulz. Many of you may have read about a part of my journey through my son’s prayer page on Facebook: Prayers for Carter. I am going to start a blog and it is going to contain some of the storms I have gone through in my life. This page will mainly be about the biggest storm I have gone through: My pregnancy with my son Carter.

In the midst of storms you may not know where to turn to, who to talk, or what to think. It is at that time you feel as your world is crushing around you to where it seems as you can’t breathe. When you hear the words “Your child is incompatible with life” what are you to think, how are you to feel and why this is happening to my child? These are questions that no one can answer, not even a doctor. It is at that time when I felt like I could not live on. This blog is going to be about different storms in my life that led up to where I am today, as I feel and believe that if someone stumbles across my blog that it could help them. By them knowing they are not alone that others have been there too and there is hope and light at the end of this dark tunnel they seem to be stuck in.